In the words of Loco, Milo and Archer, I have just been shot dead, burnt alive, and scared half to death. In that order. And it’s only Thursday!

A friend whose opinion I value, and who knows me pretty well, said something to me today. He says that maybe some people find me two-faced. They feel like I try too hard to be liked. They think I project an image that is popular, but that eventually, the real me peeks out, leaving people disappointed.

Le sigh.

Perhaps this is why people who start out thinking I am intelligent, mature and mysterious end up comparing me to unseasoned breakfast. Or why people who think I am liberated, strong, a regular Mustang, end up thinking I am an illegitimate…

Le double sigh.

With the amount of TMI on this url, I don’t see how people can possibly get the wrong idea about me. I’m worse in person and on chat. I am frightfully honest in all things. It’s unhealthy!

I have such an obsession with being ‘real’ and being ‘true to myself’ that anyone thinking I am not hurts pretty bad. Worse still is the idea that maybe I’m not real at all, that maybe I’m even lying to myself!

I think people will draw their own conclusions no matter what I do. They will think I am fabulous, or mean, or cold, or bitchy, or prudish, or loose – the blind men and the elephant – all partly right, yet all partly wrong.

And they will share their opinions, just like I do.

Another friend said it doesn’t matter what people think of you, only what you think of yourself. Right now, that isn’t a whole lot 😦

So much for being happy. Le big sigh.

The truth hurts, but usually, I am on the other side of the hurting. Usually, I am the one being brutally honest and watching people crumble at the result. I am not angry, I am grateful to my friend for sharing the truth.

But damn, it stings!

Off to meditate my crown now. Maybe I can open it without chasing Jack and Jill down a hill or getting wet.

Linkin park From the inside

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2 Responses

  1. Hope you are feeling better now, I can tell you were thinking deeply with the huge sighs 🙂

    on and off … 🙂

  2. Sometimes friends can be the most cruel. And their words can hurt the most. But if we really love them, we learn to take the good with the bad. That is, if we really value them.
    Otherwise dont pay attention n brush it off.


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