Broken

It’s been an interesting day. Trying, and surprising, in many ways.

I’m speechless. That doesn’t happen often. I can’t find the words to express what I feel. A friend says I get drama because I seek it. Perhaps I do. But I think sometimes, drama seeks me.

I got some really pretty shoes today. Yay! Met up with family, had some coffee and cake, met some interesting people, discovered T-spot. That was fun. Got a hula hoop for Princess. I don’t know how to use it, so I hope she knows how to learn.

I got a lot of phonecalls, and I made a lot of phonecalls. Some good, some bad, mostly happy, some sad.

I was misunderstood again. I don’t know why this still surprises me. It doesn’t really matter what I mean to say, or how I try to say it, sometimes it just comes out wrong, and once that happens, I can’t change someone’s mind.

I made some new friends today, and lost some old ones, and that’s what hurts the most. I know what I’ve lost, but I don’t know who. My words are locked up in my chest, and I’m afraid to let them out. I don’t feel safe anymore.

Today, somebody took my trust away, and they have no idea what they did, or how deep they cut me. I feel about five inches tall, yet all I did was speak my mind to people I thought were my friends. I was wrong, so very wrong.

I can only be me. I know that causes trouble, but it’s all I know how to do. Most days I love to be me, but not today. Not today.

I’m glad I came home. But in some ways, I’m sorry I came home. And that’s really sad, because I worked so hard for this break, and it sucks that it’s turned out like this. I want it all to go away.

I could just delete everything like I always do when stuff like this happens. But I think three times is enough. This time, I can’t sweep it under the blogger feed. I can’t close that door and ignore it, I can’t pretend not to feel.

I lost something today. I sure hope I can get it back.

The saddest thing of all is this. I once thought you were the sweetest person I’d ever known. Now, I just wish I’d never met you. I’m really sorry.

I don’t want you to forgive me, because I don’t think you will ever understand. I just wish I could somehow forgive myself.

Love, Me.

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5 Responses

  1. It is all part of life. Pokea hugs and feel better already.

    thanks hun, i’m much better now šŸ™‚

  2. Well, lets just say that we can never be perfect. You are a perfectionist, you love doing things right, you feel so bad when they dont go your way, thus you feel misunderstood and a disappointment. Look yourself in the mirror, speak to the gal across and forgive her. Remind her that those she thinks she wronged, or annoyed have forgotten and moved on. Tell her to stop killing herself regarding what opinions others have over her. Remind her that failure or being in reproach is one of the steps towards success and a great name

    thank you šŸ™‚ hugs

  3. T Spot? Now where is that one located? I thought I was great in Biology… er.. Geography.

    He he.

    hehehe irony of ironies, it’s on K street *wink*

    Nice read.

  4. Nice blog Cute

    thanks šŸ™‚

  5. Know that you can never be anyone but yourself and who you are is who you know yourself to be. Do not suffer people who would change you.

    suffer being the operative word here **grin** i’m easy dear, thank you šŸ™‚

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