Anti-flirt 101

So.

It is no secret that I melt over flirts. Turn red, green and blue and all other colours on the map, laugh loud and hard [which for me is the equivalent of giggling coz … eh .. well, I rarely lol. Mostly I just collapse in silent laughter which makes my shoulders wiggle. I will be seen sitting in a chair grasping my tummy, with tears in my ears and my blouse vibrating. My office mate recently warned that I will soon explode. So when I literally lol, just know you have thoroughly hit the spot. No, not that spot.

And to clarify, when I laugh, it is not always because your lines are working. Sometimes, I laugh because I cannot believe you just said what you just said with a straight face. I mean when a boy says ‘I neeed inspiration to finish writing this novel. My wife has done her job faithfully for years, but now I need new muse, and I just know you would be ideal. You came to me in a vision, three days ago, and your name fulfills my destiny. You have a very fortunate name, adding sparkles of crystal to the world. And you see, I am a lover of all things beautiful.”

And he said that without breaking a sweat. How now?

Anyway. It has also come to my attention that I am taken for a flirt. I won’t deny it anymore, just know that in my mind, I am not. So the next task becomes how to deal with said flirts without digging oil wells with my laughter and map-drawing. And thank God for the beautiful boys in my life who give me lessons.

According to the main boy, flirting is a game, and it’s fun. It’s also a challenge, and a chase. So, no, you can’t shoo off a tease by saying ‘Don’t flirt with me.’ That’s about as effective as saying “Down Toro” to a bull while wearing a burgundy bandanna.

The trick is, according to my boy, to anti-tease. Tantalise and quell at the same time. Sample this.

Flirt: You are so sweet…
Reply: Chunga meno, I’m bad for your teeth/ I’m what your dentist warned you about.

Flirt: I will give you a massage…
Reply: Really, can you really outdo the pro…

Flirt: I’m randy but I can’t call my girl because sometimes I need more than sex, I need to have my mind engaged.
Reply: I can call her for you. And baibe all I offer is sex

Flirt: Yes I was asleep but I don’t mind you waking me up babie
Reply: Don’t worry my alarm clock is loud…

Ok that last one fell a little short of context, but you get the idea. How I love this boy. **Grin**

So from now on, no more giggling and lolling and swiftly changing the subject. From now on, this girl is on the offense. **Rubbing hands together** Twende kazi **wink**